optimism vs realism

April 24, 2011 at 6:35 am (family, friends, humor, optimism, truth)

Chris loves Costco, so today even though I am still dealing with some allergies and sinus issues (like most of this country) I ventured out with him. actually it is more about self-preservation when it comes to him going to Costco alone. we were discussing plans for the coming months, because of the heat and my heart not being a good mix, we have several months that are planned around.

we have talked about the whole do you plan for the future when it is going to be cut short? the answer for us is hell yeah! if I had listened to drs. I would have completely missed the past holidays with my family, Chris and I would have been okay with staying home, but neither of us would have preferred it. this is not something we just go on about, we have come to a place where there is an understanding of what works for us. over the years I have teased Chris for having a little dark cloud over his head and there have been times he thought I wasn’t worried enough. however, during this ongoing situation he has been very optimistic. when I met with the research cardiologist and he gave me 30% chance of living til 2/10 I made some adjustments and got things organized. everyone should do this, make a living will and let people know how you feel about what happens under various circumstances. When last february came around and the cardiologist wanted me to get the defib, I thought why not since Chris really wanted me to. in november of last year I was advised to stay close to home and both my drs. were surprised when I came back the next week and seemed to be improved. not really better than before but not worse.

maybe that is part of combination that works for us. we are realistic enough to know that I cannot do things today that I could even 6 mos. ago. we are optimistic enough to plant plants I will not see grow, we make plans for when summer heat is over and where we want to go and what we want to see. we keep redefining what is a good day and new ways to deal with the bad days. when people ask me how I am, the answer is I am fine, but this is a new fine. sometimes when asked how I feel, I reply the way I am supposed to be feeling.

I saw the dr. yesterday and we discussed how our society has become intolerant of pain and stress. we medicate and alter our mood through drugs and alcohol. of course that does not mean everyone, I hope that is obvious. however, with the big “pain management” industry developing it makes me wonder. I am a believer in pain meds when they are needed. we are living longer and our bodies are suffering longer as a result. he (my dr.) says he will know that I need medication if I ask, since he has not yet been asked. he has asked me on occasion and I think I can go a bit longer. that is what gets me through, I think I can make it a bit longer. I know someday that will stop being the truth. I will stop making it, my life will end.

in the meantime, we are off to Costco and looking forward to visits from family in june. we remain optimistically real:)


  1. Paula Ray Broadaway said,

    As I follow your lead of : You new fine! This is my new normal! Beside you, my friends, smiling and still blessed every day by how your marriage and your love is of endless bounds. Your renewing and redefining what is your days of ok. This is the best of today changes from week to week but your spirit never does.

  2. fastapproachingmiddleage said,

    Your blog is amazing. Thank you for sharing. xoxoxo

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