road trip and the beginning of a new adventure

November 22, 2011 at 8:27 am (gratitude, holidays, hope) (, , )

tomorrow we leave for our annual trip to Charleston! it is hard for me to reconcile what the drs. say and how I am feeling at this moment.  we were at Costco and gathering some treats to take to Charleston for the grandkids and of course some grown up treats as well.  Chris remarked about it being another year and asked me how it felt. how does it feel to be living through another holiday season? it feels fantastic and I am so grateful to the universe for this gift. 

saturday the conversation was much more serious and trying not to show my hand, while still warning Chris of what was coming, very quietly I said “we need to do our shopping today.” I did go on to tell him I felt a crash coming on and told him not to worry it was not going to interfere with our trip.  truth be told I had no idea how bad it was going to be but I could definitely feel it coming on hard.  once we were home I was out and barely remember sunday at all.  none of that matters tonight as we pack for our trip.  last year at this time I was entering end stage and knew it instinctively.  funny term end stage, last act of the play, lights turned up and everyone can go home now.  enjoyed the show, yes I have enjoyed the show.  I wouldn’t have missed a minute of it, if you miss one moment it forever changes the next moment.  it is good to be in this place right here and right now.

my hope is that times like saturday and sunday are easier for my love due to the soft way I whisper it in his ear.  “don’t worry it will only be for a day or two at most,” ” we are going to be fine and we are going to Charleston.  Charleston is the time at the end of the Georgia/southern heat when we can travel the 6 hours to spend a few days with our family.  the Atlanta daughter will be there and the Charleston daughter, son-in-law and 2 grandchildren.  we will be fortunate to visit with the much-loved daughter’s mother and the son-in-laws mother.  Susanne (wife #1) has been generous of spirit and shared her lovely daughters with me.  she is a wonderful mother so I am not quite sure at times how I fit here but we make it fit.  we have gone beyond the fathers wife but never really the step-mother.  no matter what the label I am in love with them all and can’t wait to see them again.  the sounds, the smells, the activities, son-in-law frying the turkey, all those things I have looked forward to and here they are.  if I don’t live another day when it is over doesn’t really matter, I am here now and that is all that matters.  now.

for families who have lost a loved one my heart goes out to them. for those who have lost the heart of a loved one and been left with the shell my heart goes out to you.  please give yourself something this year, take a bit of time for yourself, just you and whatever makes your heart sing.  no one can judge you harsher than you judge your self, so please take time to live as if you appreciate your life.  dance, sing, or cry, whatever you need for your soul, just do it.

1 Comment

  1. disney aulani said,

    I’m so thankful to have came across this write-up: road trip and the beginning of a new adventure the dr. says. Your blog is very well authored and therefore I will likely be returning. Keep up to date the great blogposts!

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