New Year’s resolutions and hope

January 3, 2012 at 8:46 pm (hope, love, New Year's resolutions, Uncategorized) (, , )

after reading the post by the comeback I began thinking about what the whole New Year’s resolution tradition.  if I did not make any resolutions am I saying “oh well” and just accepting a mediocre life or worse?  this led to long talk with hubby and later with a younger friend.  my own advice as a therapist has been to make small goals along the way.  this gives a person the chance to experience success and learn to set realistic goals for themselves and only for them. too often people would say if only he/she would do x then my life would be better. the old “fix them” routine.  over the years my own resolutions have been decidedly on ways to improve myself as a human being, mother, daughter, sister, wife, therapist, teacher, soldier….. it has been my belief that using my energy on other’s inventory was a waste of said energy. 

long-term resolutions seem a bit more arrogant at this point in my life and yet they are still made.  tonight it came to me, looking across the table at the love of my life, I asked the question.  if you were making my resolution for me what would it be?   at one time my goal to make the world a better place took the form of law studies.  the first rule of cross-examination? never ask a question you don’t know the answer to.   would i dare ask this question, and leave myself open to an answer, when there had been no preparation for the answer?  yep indeed we went there.  after some thought, and most likely some trepidation on his part, his response to my surprise was – if I were making your resolution this year it would be for you to not be so hard on yourself.  this has given me great pause. 

those words “don’t be so hard on yourself” are words I have heard over the years.  it has never been my intention to be hard on myself, only to expect the best of me every day.  lately I will admit to feeling more dissatisfied with my performance as a wife and as a person in whole.  my physical heart is tired and needs rest if it is to last a bit longer. my heart of spirit needs to be reassured that I have given my all to any task for the day.  some days when texts of regret are sent, can’t make it again, it is a loss of a standard set for myself by myself.  it is also one of the events that we the ill are warned of. brochures on what is ahead include the perception from others that we want to be left alone.  that the healthy will not slow down for the ill.  it makes me think of basic training, the tallest are in the front and run at their pace.  the shortest, are at the rear and told to keep up or there will be consequences.  at 5’2″ my spot was ever in the last row.  knowing my determination the drill sgts added that i would be the road guard. this meant running ahead of everyone else, stopping traffic until the last runner was out of the road then catching up to them and getting back in place.

it has been with that same determination, that drive to keep up, that has made me who I am today.  although there are many things I could improve on, being a good human being is not I would say one of them.  this above all else has been my life long resolution.  if the lesson I need to learn now is not to be too hard on myself then I will embrace that although putting that into action, understanding how to picture that will take some work.  I hope not to disappoint Chris:) okay that was funny, a little anyway.

if I could encourage one resolution for us all it would be to live in love and all that brings with it.  this is not just love of others but for ourselves. forgiveness is a miracle that comes from loving ourselves enough to let go of anger.  if what you do today or everyday is from a place of love it is my belief peace in your heart and soul will follow.  there have been tragedies in my life as in many others, it has been a journey to arrive at this place and I like it here.  it will end when it ends, that is not my choice, for today and every day gifted to me, I will honor it be resolving , as I do daily, to appreciate this time, the people around me and hope ….

Permalink Leave a Comment

%d bloggers like this: