lost days

August 24, 2012 at 12:34 am (angina, heart failure and exhaustion, road trips) (, , )

days that i am exhausted beyond explanation and end up sleeping most of the day are my lost days.  it started wednesday night after speaking to my sister on the phone.  i fell asleep waiting for her to call back after an interruption.  husband worries that if he wakes me i will not fall back asleep til wee hours of morning, as that has been our experience.  so i woke in wee hours, decided to blog and went to bed around 4 a.m.  falling asleep easily is the first clue that i am in for a lost day.  sleep was heavy and nothing made me stir until almost 1 p.m. when he is off to bridge.  shaking off the cobwebs i stumble around and manage to get my shower.  the whole time my body is screaming to lie down and close my eyes.  the lie is it will only be for a few minutes but i am not buying it. i know it is a trick.

although i am feeling weak and a bit dizzy the annoyance pushes me to make an errand run.  in my mind i can do so much more than my body will let me.  i fancy a short stop for a little shopping and reach the rear of the store and  become short of  breath.  tightness in my chest.  the mind says you can stay,  your body says if you do things will not end well.  so with some regret i move to the front and out the door.  on to the post office which was my errand.  then it occurs to me i could run by the pharmacy, just as quickly the pressure in my head and dizziness reminds me that getting home is the priority.  a few hours have passed as i walk through the door at home.

he is home and i ask if he would like to lie down for a bit.  sometimes he is like a child, no i don’t need a nap.  ok but would you come and lay with me until i fall asleep?  ok but i don’t need a nap.  his head is barely down and the familiar soft snoring begins.  our little cat that stays in our room most of the day snuggles in and i am off in dreams.

the meowing is soft at first. it grows louder and a little swat with the paw follows.  she is losing patience with me. it is her time to be in the living room and i am keeping her from it.  my eyes open and it is nearly 8 p.m.  trying to appease her with promises of soon, she is becoming more insistent.   a bargain is struck, she will get down and take care of business and when she is done i will get up.  the look on her face is skeptical.  as promised though i drag myself out of bed.  while laying in bed listening to her make her way around the room my thoughts stray to how we first met her. for some reason it then moves on to our first road trip.

every couple should have to take a road trip before getting married.  we realized just how perfect we were for each other.  this is our older/smaller girl ling.

 our first of many road trips

2 Comments

  1. Maggie said,

    We have a saying around here, that ‘body trumps spirit.’ That is, just because the spirit is willing, doesn’t mean the body will be up to it. Sorry you’re experiencing lost days, but glad you’re having some days that are less lost. And glad to be reading you here.

    I’m not any kind of medical practitioner, but your symptoms on those shopping excursions sound like they could be from low blood sugar or dehydration, as well as the oxygen deficiency that would go along with heart failure. Have you checked out the possibility that there’s some hypoglycemia in the mix? I have some of that, and keep a handful of jellybeans in a pocket. When I feel sleepy, light-headed or my ears ring, one jellybean is usually enough to clear it. Obviously your mileage may vary.

    Wishing you plenty of love, light and laughter in all you do

    • sbcallahan said,

      Maggie I am so glad to hear from you. would love to know how you are doing now. funny how we can imagine a kind kinship with someone who we don’t really know at all.

      for atleast a year when i would have these symptoms like you i thought it was hypoglycemia. being diabetic i do sometimes have to be careful not to let this happen although most people think it would be the opposite. as it turned out i was going into kidney failure and the continued issues explain my current lost hours that can turn into days.

      gratefully i have a enough good days to obscure the lost days that used to be known as my bad days. calling them my bad days gave them too much significance so now they are the lost days.

      wishing you peace of mind, body and spirit

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