September 13, 2012 at 11:50 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , )

in a comment to my last post i was asked if i am going to write my own eulogy.  if i did, it would be terribly short so i am hoping someone else will do the deed if there is one at all.  my sense of humor can be a little …… well…… different.  in the past i have found myself apologizing for this. the decision has been made (by me) not to apologize for this anymore.  there are plenty of faults to apologize for and so i will save my energy for those.

the last time ys and i spoke we discussed interviewing.  even now she can benefit from a boost of confidence.  over the years i have interviewed for various levels of skills.  there are a couple of things that are a given.  ys mentioned her bosses were going to give her great written references.  although these are a plus, and just about everyone asks for them, they are pretty useless.  just about everyone i have ever interviewed brought the requisite names and numbers.  many were disappointed that they were not called.  to me it was a waste of time, are they going to give me the number of someone who says bad things about them?  now that would be worth my time to call!

same goes for eulogies and the obits.  now and then i read the obits.  just making sure my name isn’t there, lately looking at the age and cause of death has been of interest.  the one thing you can count on?  nice things are going to be said.  not one “what a bitch!”  or “he was a cheap s.o.b.” but we all know some of these people are not the saints portrayed in the obits.  not that i want to be remembered as a bad person, though  it would seem dishonest to omit the things that make me human.  writing this has been more difficult than i had anticipated.

haven’t we been told to remember the good and let go of the bad?  wouldn’t it be interpreted as disrespectful to say the things i am suggesting?  it makes even more sense to me now than ever to leave this to the ones who are left behind,  the ones who are mourning.  with all my planning in the early stages, i have learned more and more to let him know how he must do what is right for him.  when we went to plan the memorial and cremation, it became clear plans would need to change.

whatever my love and my family wants is what i want.  i will be dead.  even if there is a way for me to know what happens, and i do not rule out that possibility, this is for their healing, for them to say goodbye, for them to remember.  this is my time to let go.  love them and let go of them when the time is right.

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