is there such a thing as un-nesting?

January 6, 2013 at 5:14 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , , )

on more than one occasion it has come to mind that i am doing a sort of un-nesting.  today is one of those days.  i am not having one of my “better” days and yet i am driven to get certain things done.  strange little list of things and reasons why they have to be done today.  as soon as my feet hit the ground, at around 2 in the afternoon, it was on to finish my self-imposed list.  first on the list was laundry, not just a few clothes but every piece of bed linen or casual throw in the house will be clean by the end of today.  kitchen tidied, expired foods tossed ( for some reason it is my job to do this, he would and has let “things” grow and not toss them), donations to  food closet set aside.  pantry organized, fresh linens on the bed, a small bag prepared for a short stay in emergency only.

the first time i realized what i was doing it seemed strange and sort of embarrassing to me.  it struck me how similar this behavior was to when i was days away from giving birth to my son.  there was a sudden urge to have everything around me sorted and fresh. now it is not about starting life it is about ending life and i want/need that same sense of serenity. to know that things are in order. there are a few items that are on my ultimate to-do list but due to my lack of energy and strength i know they will remain on a list that does not get completed.

what would happen if everything on my list were completed? does anyone ever finish all these little to-do’s before they are incapacited? i remember that feeling of anticipation, wanting to come home to my cozy, clean and organized little nest.  now i want to leave our nest ready for him to start without me.  to have things clean and warm around him.  he will be starting a new life on his own and i don’t want him to feel over-whelmed by mess and unfinished projects.

Permalink 6 Comments

%d bloggers like this: