what are you waiting for?

January 26, 2014 at 6:37 pm (death, end stage congestive heart failure, gratitude, heart failure and exhaustion, how does it feel to die, living with dying, testing for kidney failure, the dr. says)

As you may know we have done some traveling in the past few months.  There are stories to share and some pics to post.  So why haven’t I done this?  I have been waiting to feel better.  The problem with that is I am not going to feel better.  This is the new norm for me.  Don’t get the tissues out just yet.  Though my latest lab results confirm my decline they also inspire me.  Isn’t life just a little bit dearer when we are in a moment like this?

There is no doubt I love and appreciate my family and friends.  If I were healthy would I have such acute awareness of my blessings? I hope I would but know that life can get in the way sometimes and we aren’t always as thoughtful/mindful as we could be.

The lab results for my creatinine, bun and potassium were high so according to webmd-

A BUN test is done to see how well your kidneys are working. If your kidneys are not able to remove urea from the blood normally, your BUN level rises. Heart failure, dehydration, or a diet high in protein can also make your BUN level higher. Liver disease or damage can lower your BUN level. A low BUN level can occur normally in the second or third trimester of pregnancy.

Tests that give insight as to how your liver is working show that mine is in a down ward motion.  I could likely use a blood transfusion at some point.

So those are the technical results that confirm what my body is telling me.  It asks the question, what are you waiting for? This is the new norm. be grateful and do the things that are important to you.

What are you waiting for? Is it time to stop waiting and start acting? I don’t want to miss out on anything.  No more waiting for me.  I hope no more waiting for you; life is too precious to spend it waiting.

p.s. the caps are because I did this on word and just copied it here.  It means nothing that I don’t usually cap and have on this one:)

24 Comments

  1. Julia Sweeney said,

    I can see that a few bad numbers are not going to get you down. You are an amazing woman. My hat is off to you.

    • s blake callahan said,

      ah shucks:) you my friend inspire me and i am oh so grateful for your friendship. i feel so lucky to have you in my life. don’t want to get all gooey but you know what i think of you

  2. Jackie said,

    Thanks for the inspiring post. It is easy to keep waiting and waiting, but you’re right, what are we waiting for? I wish your tests didn’t confirm what you suspected. I’m thinking of you. Also, although I agree it is a bad idea for anyone to wait and wait, make sure you only post pictures if it is how you want to use the bit of energy you get that day, not because of your readers. We want whatever you want. 🙂

    • s blake callahan said,

      jackie you are so sweet, you are an amazing young woman. i always look forward to hearing from you.

  3. Terry said,

    I hate to take the topic away from you to me but your topic is forcing me to ask you something, or for your opinion. Al, my brother started bleeding last night from his catheter. I was told his kidneys are shutting down. Hospice is doing nothing. It just scares the crap out of me not seeing urine but blood now for 24 hours

    • s blake callahan said,

      i hope my comments on your blog helped with this. i try to make sure and read your blog daily and offer support when i can. knowing your friend has been able to visit and be a shoulder to lean on makes me worry a bit less about you.

  4. wjpeace said,

    Have not commented in ages. I am loyal reader who always enjoys your insights. So impressed with how you adapt and gope.

    • s blake callahan said,

      impressed? by me? wow that is how i feel about you! i just do what i have to like most of us, going with the flow is the only thing i know how to do. thank you for caring enough to spend your time reading my offerings and letting me know you are there.

  5. prenin said,

    The tests didn’t tell you anything you didn’t already know hun and you are right: Nothing is the last thing you should do! 🙂

    Love and huge squishy hugs to you both! 🙂

    Prenin.

    • s blake callahan said,

      dearest prenin i think of you daily and read your blog to make sure that you are well. knowing you care means so much to me. you are just such a dear man.

      love and big warm hugs to you

      • prenin said,

        Thanks Sandy! 🙂

        I have some good news: After 20 years of medical inaction I’m finally getting some help!!! 🙂

        MIND are setting up some art therapy for me as soon as a place becomes available.

        The bad news is that it isn’t local, but on the rail network, so if I travel off-peak I should be able to afford it! 🙂

        No extra money, or expenses, but at least I’ll be facing a demon alone: Travelling by train! 🙂

        All I need is my bell, book and candle!!! 😉

        Love and huge hugs to ya both!!! 🙂

        Prenin.

  6. jmgoyder said,

    Sandra – just want you to know that I think of you every single day and more – I wish so much that I could meet you! Juliexxx

    • s blake callahan said,

      it would be too wonderful for words if we should ever meet! with all you have on your plate i can’t imagine how you find the time to be so kind. you are fabulous:)

      • jmgoyder said,

        I guess we will probably never meet in person due to geography but I believe we have met – I know you and you know me and we are honest and kind and I wuv you!

      • s blake callahan said,

        i agree unfortunately that we will never meet in person. it doesn’t keep me from hoping though. i will say there are a lot of people who know and care less about each other than we do. you are a blessing in my life and i appreciate you. i do love you my dear friend.

      • jmgoyder said,

        You have become a major person in my life, my good friend!

      • s blake callahan said,

        i think of you as a good friend and feel blessed to have connected with you over all the miles. there isn’t a day goes by without me thinking of you:)

  7. appletonavenue said,

    I’m no longer waiting for my life to begin. A tad late, but learning to enjoy myself. Being happy, or content, is a wonderful thing. Thank you for sharing your joy of life with me.

    • s blake callahan said,

      until you take the dirt nap it is not too late:) linda you have the capacity for such great joy and i appreciate being let into your life. you are making your own path, in your own way and it brings me such joy to call you friend

      • appletonavenue said,

        Thank you for your absolute support. Your comments and posts always make me think. Which makes me grow.

      • s blake callahan said,

        that is what we are here for, to support and encourage one another. you deserve the best in life my friend!

      • appletonavenue said,

        Namaste.

  8. tersiaburger said,

    It is strange seeing you post with the Caps on… I see you have not posted in almost a month. How are you my friend????

    • s blake callahan said,

      i am not a caps kinda gal:) well not usually. i try not to use word for the blog but sometimes it can’t be helped. how am i? well i am as to be expected. i have been so happy to see the photos of you smiling and visiting with the kids both big and small:) vic is watching and smiling i believe. big warm hugs to you my friend

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