i just couldn’t do it

April 12, 2014 at 4:04 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , )

this morning i realized i just could not make myself go to the g.i. dr.

for hours i tried to go over the reasons for the visit and it just came back again and again to what will be gained by this?  i have an appointment with an oncologist (they do blood work) on the 21st and i am hoping to get the transfusions scheduled without much ado.

if i get the transfusions and go another 5 years without a problem then what the heck?  if i really have to see the g.i. guy then i will.  the idea of more tests that lead to nothing just aren’t on my bucket list.

of course chris was surprised and concerned.  i am sure we will have more conversations about this but for now i can distract him with taxes, our granddaughter’s birthday and our impending visit to charleston.

oh charleston, we need you now.  it is 5 a.m. and i am going to bed.  i am hoping to sleep.  i am hoping my uncle will not come to me in my dreams wanting me to get on the plane with him.  a few days ago he said he would wait and then he smiled as though he knew something i didn’t.  of course he knows a lot of things i don’t know.  he passed a few years ago.  someday i will tell you about him.  for now i will just say he loved his family and he was a good man.  but i am not ready to get on that plane with him no matter how nice he is:)

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