the hospital, bossy sister and what are we avoiding?

January 16, 2015 at 4:07 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , )

finding the problem with my last post has been frustrating.  this process is mostly flow of thought.  so to purposely redo a post is difficult for me.  how was i feeling at the moment i first wrote about this experience? how do i get my head back in to that whole moment? so please bare with me through the next few paragraphs. to get his pound of flesh for my previous non-compliance, dr. o turned slowly, almost like the character in some horror movie, he asks… are you ready to do anything i ask you to do?  i look for the hint of smile and don’t find one.  oh he is good! out come the words i was not prepared for, so you would go by ambulance to the hospital?  inside i am a mix of emotions, i want to give some flippant answer but am acutely aware that this is a test of some kind.  “yes” is say. oh my beating heart be still, how bad can it be i ask myself.  well, self has an answer to that question but we are not going to discuss that here and now. it starts with going to the waiting area and bringing chris back to the treatment room.  trying to put what is about to happen in the best possible terms.  how to make all this seem like just a little side trip.  the nurse puts in an iv which i am most grateful for later.  she gets it on the second try, chris is watching and cringing with each slide of the needle.  the ambulance emt’s arrive to whisk me off to the er where i will be , if all goes according to plan, admitted to the hospital.  it is frankly sop (standard operating procedure) for this medical group.  my blood pressure was out of control.  way too high for someone with my health problems. not good for anyone but especially for someone with heart failure.  on the ride over, they used sirens to avoid stopping for lights and traffic, i find out the emt with me was in the army.  the emt driving is a firefighter but is required to do x number of hours as an emt.  we had nice conversation  on the way over and arrive fairly quickly.  i was concerned about my love getting lost along the way.  it is an area with a lot of one way streets.  we are now in a hallway waiting to be admitted to the emergency room.  after 15 minutes the guys (emt’s) start talking about the wait.  it was decided the nurse manager should be called.  our ace was the threat of going to another hospital.  within minutes there was a tech taking me in to a stock room to do an ekg.  this was followed by an assignment to a room.  things seemed to be moving in an efficiently speedy mode.  chris arrives and runs into a sweet friend of ours with the police department. she pops in to say hello and confuses the nurse.  no, the police are not with us i tell her. a dr. comes in and explains the “plan” to us, we are on board with this so called plan.  meds are administered and my blood pressure goes up and down within the next couple of hours.  chris pulls his chair closer and says ” i am going to call heather, angie and kristen.  i want to protest, however, i he is set on doing this and i have no good argument against this plan of his.  seems everyone has a plan except me!  i listen as he speaks to my younger sister and my heart hurts for her.  literally my heart started to hurt, the nurse comes in when the alarm goes off again.  chris steps out to make any further calls.  now things slow down.  a new nurse comes on shift and will be around for the next 12 hours.  he comes in and introduces himself, he assures us that the promised bed in an actual room is going to be a reality soon.  yes he says to chris, you can spend the night.  no, no i say. this is not my plan.  chris compromises with the promise he will go home once i am cared for in the promised land upstairs.  we sit back and watch as one then another are taken upstairs.  the nurse does not come back.  i can hear him calling and asking when this bed will be ready, reminding who ever is on the other end, that i have been waiting approximately 3 hours at this point. at last a young man comes for me.  in the meantime i have asked chris to bring some items to me upstairs.  as we are going up there seems to be some confusion, yes we are going to the third floor, however we are not going to the unit that is open for business.  we are going to a “unit” that has been closed for a prolonged period of time.  i remain on the gurney, now in this room i am moved to another gurney.  this was a recovery room for patients recovering from heart surgery.  two nurses have been pulled from another unit and have not even found where the bathrooms are on this floor. that’s right, there are no bathrooms in these so called rooms.  there are actually 2 bathrooms on this whole floor.  these have to be shared not only with patients but with their guests and there were lots of those.  i find the bathroom and show the nurses where they are for everyones convenience.  suddenly patients are being sent up from the er.  the nurses are overwhelmed and call their boss.  at this point i decide for self preservation i will unplug and plug all attachments from their machines. let’s cut to the chase here.  lots of dr.’s, physician assistants and nurse practitioners hear the story of my lapse of judgement regarding my little “shocker” in my shoulder.  my poor man gets lost driving and calls me, i try to navigate him back to the hospital.  he finds the interstate again and makes another run at the landing pad.  his plans are to stay with me and i have come up with a plan of my own.  there needs to be this buffer between me getting news and me passing it on to him.  i am very clear with all staff that nothing is told to him directly.  no matter what i am going to protect him the best i can.  that doesn’t mean leaving him in the dark, just that all information is given with the best twist possible.  i can tell he is grateful to be sent off home.  it is now his job to take care of the fur-babies and himself.  the young man who looks at the read out of my implant(ICD) and i confess to my lapse.  when the dr comes in there is some whispering.  turns out my battery started winding down on the 21st of october.  there is typically then a 3 month window to replace the battery.  i was looking at days now rather than months. the dr doing the surgery is such a nice guy.  very sensitive, i can tell.  he is obviously taken aback by the time between the implant surgery and the visit now where we are in a time crunch.  as i remain in this no mans land staff is coming and going.  they all offered their assistance but were visibly relieved to hear that i would not require their attention.  a bed was finally provided, it was moved in to the room i was in rather than me being taken to where the bed was previously. all through this i am talking to or texting my younger sister.  for the hour that i am on the phone with her i am not the sick sister, wife, mother, nana or great nana.  we laugh, typically at ourselves or if need be others, and the nurses are starting to look in, i know they are wondering what i find funny.  one nurse became teary when speaking to me.  this is what i avoid at all cost. most of us sick folk want to avoid this aspect.  please do not feel sorry for me.  there is no reason to what so ever. i have to stop as i am writing this post.  i am struggling with angina pain and fatigue.  not getting enough oxygen i start to have this numbness spreading over me.  until next tuesday when the battery is replaced i plan to just coast along.  my next post, which will be soon, i want to tell you what is going through my mind regarding this decision.  i will not avoid you or this decision and what went into it.  we need to talk about this and some other things on my mind recently.  what am i avoiding? we will speak of this at another time/ another post.  thank you for caring about me, i hope that you are not reading this feeling sad.  i’m not. angie thought i forgot to mention why i said my bossy sister! oh no, no, i am going to tell it here and now.  you might expect that she would be all gooey but you would be wrong.  she nagged me to the point of complete surrender on my part.  every contact included certain questions.  what do you mean your going home without the surgery?  when are they scheduling the surgery and my personal favorite…. do what they say, i mean it.  she knows me in a way others will never know me.  the time we spent on the phone laughing was exactly what i needed.  she has always known that weakness. our mother brought it to my attention just a few short months after she was born.  it came with a warning, “sissy” she knows if she makes you laugh it’s all over.  she still makes me laugh and yes that is how she still can get me to do anything.  chris makes me laugh in that way, it was one of the things that i fell in love with, over the years i have come to treasure that laugh of his.  oh how you will all be missed if things do not go according to PLAN.  i love you and will hang on as long as possible.


  1. prenin said,

    Nice to know the American Medical system (Which Cameron has been trying to change our NHS into) is as chaotic and confused as our own!!!

    Cameron got ONE hospital to run as a private business and the company, Blue Circle, want to give it back because they are making a loss and it has been put in ‘special measures’ because it is failing!!!

    The NHS s free at the point of care, but Cameron just sees it as something he can sell… 😦

    Hope the battery switch went well! 🙂

    Love and hugs!


  2. prenin said,

    Bugger! Forgot the notify flag!!! 🙂

  3. grannyscolorful said,

    I just wanted you to know I care, not only that … I admire your strength. You are indeed a very special person. Love, Gloria Sometimes … sadness is caring a lot, even having never met personally … though through our words. ❤

  4. jmgoyder said,

    Absolutely amazing post that makes me feel like I was there too (I hope you don’t mind me saying that but it is the way you write, Sandra!) I am worried, of course, but I am also so grateful for what you keep teaching all of us about life, death, love, loyalty. I wish you peace; I admire you so much! Jx

    • s blake callahan said,

      wow, that is high prize coming for you. it is good to hear. i wish you could be here embarrass me to hear such high praise from you.

  5. Terry said,

    I don’t know if I am sad or not when I read this, but I do know my heart is bleeding. You mean so much to me, so please do what you feel you need to do. I am holding your hand in spirit and always know I love you

    • s blake callahan said,

      please don’t feel sad for me, i am happy with my life and if it ended this moment i would not have regrets. you are just so sweet and kind hearted. i think of you often and worry about you finding joy in your life. i hope you know how much your friendship means to me. sending you love and warm hugs

  6. Al said,

    You hang in there girl and don’t be concerned about how the docs feel, it doesn’t matter. Alice hasn’t had her pulmonary pressures checked for almost 2 years and she is not going to go through the process since it doesn’t matter too much at this time. Just going to keep taking her Revadio (Viagra). While in the hospital, please feel free to text or call me if you want or need to, even if just to relieve the boredom. By the way, you got a room in only 3 hours, you must be special.

    • s blake callahan said,

      al thank you so much for being so supportive. i know that you are having your own issues and i want you to know that i think of you and alice. good thing you got the lift, even if she is able to get up on her own you will have it for any future problems. joe is a good son to care so for his mother. of course you have been there for him as well. you have to be one of the most generous of heart and spirit people i have ever had the pleasure to know. not so special:) as jackie pointed out a trouble maker:)

  7. Judy said,

    I am so sorry for this ordeal, Sandra. (And the fact that your post was deleted). It would be a challenge for a healthy person and the fact that you had to deal with this in your condition is appalling. Thank God for Angie and Chris! I have to tell you, the fact that you appreciate humor and laughter is one of the most beautiful things about you. You’ve kept me smiling when I want to cry. Hope you are able to hang in there through all of this. I really care.

    • s blake callahan said,

      judy you are so wonderful! it was annoying to have that post disappear the way it did and it actually happened once before and i swore to make sure it never happened again! oh how quickly we forget:) it was probably to long anyway. i’m gratified that i have brought a smile to your face. it’s nice that you get my humor, not everyone does.

      • Judy said,

        As long as you’re feisty, I know your heart is still kickin’! We’re sisters in humor because I thought I crossed the line with that “terminal joke” releated the battery change you had. Laughter keeps us alive, sister! 🙂

      • s blake callahan said,

        indeed it does!

  8. appletonavenue said,

    Hospital visits are never easy. The only thing harder than getting into a hospital is getting out.

    • s blake callahan said,

      i will do about anything to avoid being admitted to the hospital. even worse is what it does to him. that is why i will make the decision when to be discharged:)

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