just another night here in georgia

March 1, 2015 at 5:13 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , )

even though i had only slept 2 hours i was up and thinking we could get out a little.  i recognize the signs of cabin fever and want to get him out and about for a few hours.

our first stop is the Cracker Barrell where some of our friends work. big  advantage to have friends in the right places, it  can be getting seated before the 36 people on the bus that arrived just before us.  then we get to see and chat with our friends. it makes breakfast more enjoyable, catching up on the latest.  i can feel the heaviness coming over me.  my body feels slow and it takes an effort to pick up my fork.  i smile and laugh , listen to the stories, watch him smile and bask in the friendship of these ladies that treat him/us very special.  rita comes and sits for a minute, julia our server who told us to come on in and sit at her table even though others were waiting, comes and laughs and shares what is new with her. another friend comes and gives us a hug and asks about our weekend plans, we ask about hers. in the mean time i realize i can’t swallow and so i don’t finish my food.  my ability to swallow has been compromised.  there are times when even fluid can’t be swallowed.  in the past i had tumors blocking my esophagus.  i am not willing to go through more testing and surgeries if this is the issue returned.

on we go to look at new hondas.  he has been talking about them lately but i see a shift now that he is dealing with the reality.  we went to barnes and noble, i was reading yoga magazines and he was checking out consumer reports new car reports.  we went over the cost and how they rate.  several cars were ruled out just because i am not about to pay that much for a new car.  a couple of the hondas fell with what i consider our range.  i then went on to point out how we have had family expenses of 1500,00, travel expensive of 2000 or so and another 1000 for rental expenses.  of course there have been other expenses in addition to these and i don’t want to add another car payment to this total.  he put away the magazine and hopefully is ready to let it go for a while.  the craziness of this is he wants a new car for me! i do not want a new car! i love my car, it is older than we have had up until now. in the past we have traded every 2 years. now that i am retired it just does not make sense.  he will be ok and move on i just have to keep reminding him that i don’t want a new car and he will be ok.

while looking i moved to that phase with my eyes just wanting to close. my knees feel weak. we cut it short and get in our car.  now we are on our way to our favorite book stores, my eyes are barely open, my body melts into the car seat.  we are there and i make every effort to get out of the car and keep the smile on my face.  i head back to the bathroom since i have now moved to the nauseous part of our program.  i manage to make my way to the seating area and am relieved to find seats.  i browse the mag he has brought for me to look at and then i choose a psychologies mag.  he realized how tired i am so offers a bite from starbucks, he gets coffee and i get tea.  we move on to the car.  he gets us back home and in to bed.  i sleep from 5 until 1:30 am.  i stumble awake and know i must eat and take care of a few personal items. it is now 5 am and i am about to head back.  i hope  i do not sleep more than 8 or 9 hours.  we will take it as it comes. the way we always do.

i have a hair appt on tuesday and plans for nails with a friend, rita.  it would be so wonderful if i can do these.  it is the little things that mean so much when you are in my position.  it means so much to know that you still have friends who are flexible and care enough to be there for you whatever that means.  another reason who i miss my friend paula so much.

to my friends here i can only say i hope you know how much your friendship means to me.  to my lovely family who loves and support me through the good times and the bad i love you more than you could know.  to those friends here who have stuck by me and show up when most needed, i thank you and love you.

11 Comments

  1. jmgoyder said,

    I do not know how you remain so strong – you are a fantastic example to those of us who are well and lazy (me!) I love you so much and your journey inspires me always to do better Sandra!

    • s blake callahan said,

      julie i wonder the same about you:) how do you manage to do so much for so many and keep smiling? sometimes i am amazed at your patience with the boy and the man! you inspire me and remind me to take care of my own man who is also the boy!! i send you my love along with big warm hugs. i have been watching Wild Australia trying to understand more about where you live. it makes me feel closer to you xoxoxo

      • jmgoyder said,

        Sandra, I hope you can somehow feel that I think of you every day, several times a day – I don’t keep up very well on Facebook but I do adore you and your beau! Lots of love xxx

      • s blake callahan said,

        i wonder and hope the same thing my friend! my beau and i speak of you, ants and ming like we have known you forever. we have so much in common it is wonderful to know there is such a loving connection. Facebook and i have a love hate relationship so i am lax at times with updates and looking at other’s pages.

        you inspire us and we send love with big warm hugs!

  2. prenin said,

    Love you too Sandy!!! 🙂

    Huge hugs my friend!!! 🙂

    Prenin.

  3. Terry said,

    My thoughts are always with you my friend. love and hugs

    • s blake callahan said,

      and mine with you, love and warm hugs during these snow filled days. spring will be here soon:)

  4. Angie, also known as YS :) said,

    I’m glad you made it out and had some joy added to your short day. I love you and can’t wait til I’m there to see you everyday.

  5. Judy said,

    I love my Honda Civic – it’s a good car. You sound like you were quite a trouper, despite some very serious health concerns that you somehow managed to overcome. It doesn’t sound easy, but you are quite amazing. Love fuels you beyond what is even humanly possible. You have my friendship always, Sandra. Still trying to figure out when I can come visit. It’s hard for Joni to leave, so I’ll plan to come alone. I’m thinking maybe in May. 🙂

    • s blake callahan said,

      whenever works for you will be fine:) i try to pull it together for him as often as possible. he gives me the strength, however, we know there will come a time when that doesn’t work. your friendship means so much to me and i appreciate you.

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