leaning in to love

March 15, 2015 at 10:42 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , )

it’s sunday and i have been up for 8 1/2 hours. that is a record for this week.  every day has been much like moving through quick sand.  the angina pain has been relentless once again.  even the nitro has not kept it at bay.

almost every day i have made plans thinking i would rise to the occasion.  it has not turned out to be true.  having to send a text canceling or letting him make the call and the apologies.  each day thinking this day would be different, today i will rise and have the strength to be the companion my love deserves.

my love is so tender when he climbs in to bed next to me.  his hand reaches over and lightly rubs my back.  i love his hands. he says they are gnarly with age but that is not what i see.  i see the hands that held mine in good times and bad for 23 years.  i see the hands that took mine and promised to love and honor me, the hands of the man who has kept that promise.

over the years he has adorned my hands with lovely jewels.  there is none more treasured than the ring given to me on our wedding day.  all i have to do is look at that hand with the ring and remember the love we share regardless of how many hours i am awake.  his love has never wavered, i think i can relax and lean into him much the way i have leaned in to the pain that makes great effort to hold me.  there is no greater comfort, no drug eases the pain in the way holding his hand can.


  1. Judy said,

    What you’ve written is so beautiful! I feel so honored to have met you and Chris. Not only does he show his love for you with his hands – his gaze and his aura display how clearly smitten he is. 🙂
    Okay, you gave me a chance for puns. He helps you get a “hand”le upon your pain. When you write about what you are going through, it is very “gripping.” Anyone who doesn’t feel this post, would have to be incredibly “callous!”

    • s blake callahan said,

      your humor is one of the most awesome things about you! your talent as an artist in multiple media is impressive, however, i would feel a little sad for anyone who has not been treated to your humorous side!

      having said that i want share my admiration for the way you have leaned in to your own pain. as humans i feel this is one of our most lifesaving skills. otherwise how could the human psyche survive and then thrive with the lose of our loved ones?

      i am honored to be your friend.

      • Judy said,

        I don’t even know how to reply to this and might have just let that go. But your words made me all teary and I had to let you know. (Geeze, that rhyme could be a song lyric!) Thank you, Sandra. I am so glad I was able to share my humor with you; knowing how much you appreciated it was very meaningful for me. I get chills picturing you and your sister laughing at my puns while in the hospital. 🙂 Ditto to you about feeling honored to be your friend!

  2. jmgoyder said,

    Your love story is so beautiful.

  3. prenin said,

    Your love is beautiful my friend, as are you both! 🙂

    Love and huge squishy hugs! 🙂


    • s blake callahan said,

      sometimes i get a comment and i find the words to respond are lost to me. this is one of those times.

      so here goes, i might not be as eloquent as some, this is my heart speaking to you. i so appreciate your kindness and support. i consider you my friend regardless of the miles that separate us. i have a love for you that may not seem credible given that distance. you are such a kind and generous man. you give of your time and spirit from your first remark until today you have always wished the best for me and offered encouragement. when i write about the love i have in my life i include the love of you my friend!

      i send you love and big warm hugs my friend

      • prenin said,

        Love you too sweetheart! 🙂

        Huge hugs! 🙂


  4. Terry said,

    What a beautiful post

  5. Jackie said,

    This was beautiful! I can so relate. I tell Jake if we could bottle how much better laying by him makes me feel, we’d be billionaires!

    • s blake callahan said,

      more than rich we would be healthy:) the wonderful years i have had make me know how much easier and happier your life is thanks to the love of this amazing man!

  6. Jackie said,

    I came back to tell you it made me tear up. 😊 Excellent writing.

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