four leaf clover

March 22, 2015 at 1:57 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , )

on the cover of a st. patrick’s day card from a friend-

you’re like a four leaf clover

on the inside-

rare

lucky

kind of a freak of nature

 

i can relate to the lucky and maybe the freak of nature. rare?……… not so much.

to have this life is proof of the lucky.  to have the love of this amazing man, to have this family, to have these friends, there are times it brings tears of joy to my eyes.  do you ever just lay in the bed at night just before you go to sleep and think,  think about how completely awe inspiring life itself is?

when i met him my life was barren, desolate, just plain sad.  a widow of a year and a half, facing my 38th birthday without joy or hope for a better life when he comes walking down the street with a bounce in his step and what can only be described as a jaunty style, he simply glowed in my eyes.

i fell in love that day and have remained so some 23 years later.  that is more than i ever would have hoped for,  everything changed for the better from that moment on. lucky? yes i am, there is something deeper than that though. something so beautiful, spiritual and life altering that i am afraid to question it.  the question i have asked many nights? do i deserve this life?

my belief is we all have a path, a journey, or destiny that is unique to us.  we have choice in the direction or path along the way.  when i first laid eyes on him i had the choice to move forward with this new path presented or to continue on the path i was walking at the time.

to say that i am lucky is an understatement.  he loves me in spite of my being a freak of nature.  every night i think about how lucky i am, how my life journey may end when i close my eyes.  how i am just grateful for the time i have had with him.  he has suggested the possibility of his  going first is just as possible.  this is something i can’t let myself think about.  to live without him seems just wrong on so many levels.  when i explain this to him, he points out that i expect him to bear that burden.

what he doesn’t know is that i am doing everything i can to make sure he has the support system he needs to make it through the event and keep moving forward.  he is loved and cared for by many.  as the time moves closer i try to picture what this path will look like for him.

it is late and my body is ready for the sleep that will restore me and prepare me for the brunch with my lovely step-daughter heather.  i will be meeting my step grandcat tomorrow.  i am lucky to be walking down this path. i am grateful to be walking down this path.  whether i live another day or another week, month or year i am grateful for every moment i have been given.

no, i am not rare, yes i am lucky and a freak of nature.

 

15 Comments

  1. prenin said,

    Yes, this is one time where all I can say is that you are a lovely person and I am glad to have met you! 🙂

    Rare?

    Yes.

    Lucky?

    VERY!!! 🙂

    A freak of Nature?

    Not in my eyes!!! 🙂

    Love and huge squishy hugs my wonderful friend!!! 🙂

    Prenin.

    • s blake callahan said,

      oh prenin you always know what to say!

      you are rare my friend and i am lucky to have you in my life:) i would never think of you as a freak of nature either. thank you for saying you don’t see me that way! it means a lot to me.

      sending you big warm hugs and love!

  2. jmgoyder said,

    You continue to amaze me Sandra. Love you so much!

    • s blake callahan said,

      funny i can’t imagine doing thing that amazing. i do so wish we could meet, that would be amazing!!

      sending you love, xoxoxo

  3. Judy said,

    I learn so much from everything you write, Sandra. I hope to find the blessing of wonderful man like Chris someday – although it will probably come when I least expect it! I really don’t think I’m ready or interested, but when I read what you write – wow, it changes my thinking.
    Glad you are able to overcome the pain with such joy and love. Always thinking of you.

    • s blake callahan said,

      judy i was not expecting to meet someone like him ever! i am surprised and delighted that he could love me. it is my firm belief that love comes to us when we least expect it and hopefully when we are ready to receive it.

      your love is out there waiting for you. when you are ready it will be there. i can’t imagine going through this without him. i probably could but don’t want to:) my heart goes out to anyone who is going through something like this without the love i have been so blessed with.

      you are in my thoughts, sending you hugs and love

  4. Terry said,

    I don’t know a single person who has ever met you that didn’t think you had the best personality and the most awesome life. In that respect, you are one lucky lady!!!

    • s blake callahan said,

      oh my gosh terry i am blushing! you flatter me with your kind words. you are also well loved and though your life may seem tough you have a lot of love from family and friends. love that too many don’t have. in that respect you are one lucky lady yourself!

      sending love and hugs my friend

      • Terry said,

        Thanks so much my dear friend

  5. Angie, also known as YS :) said,

    Yes, you deserve this sweet life with such a great man. I’m so glad you had finally found each each other 💗

    • s blake callahan said,

      i don’t know if i deserve him but i am just so grateful. of course i am pretty lucky to have a great little sister:)

  6. Syl said,

    Yes my dear lady you are rare. What an amazing person you are. You have so much love in your heart, you always look for the best in everyone and everything. There is so much hate and discontent in this world. And here you are my dear friend, on the edge of the end, and still find so much to appreciate and value. That makes you so very rare. Thank you so much for being you. You truly are someone I admire and look up to. You made a difference in my life. Much love and hugs to you!!

    • s blake callahan said,

      wow, you are making me blush! i am no different than anyone else. if you learned anything from me it touches me deeply and that is all we can hope for in this lifetime. you are an amazing young woman and have so much to teach the rest of us!

      sending you love and big warm hugs dear friend

  7. appletonavenue said,

    We are lucky for having known you. You know apparently instinctively the right things to say and do. You act from the heart and nothing bad could come of that. Thank you for being such a great freak of nature!

    • s blake callahan said,

      i have never been ashamed of my freakish nature:) don’t imagine i will now! i have been lucky getting to know a small part of you and to see the changes you are making. thank you for your support and challenging my beliefs when you felt it was the right thing to do.

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