the best days of my life are ahead of me

April 30, 2015 at 2:26 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , )

at least i have to believe that. to say that the best days are behind me would just be like speaking an alien language. even if it is just to say that tomorrow is going to be better i hate to think of the people who are giving up and saying things are never going to be better.

at some point i realized that in reality things are not going to get better in the traditional sense of the word. i guess i think the love i am gifted from my family is growing and yes getting better as time goes passes. my amazing sister is moving across country to live with us and help not only me but this wonderful man of mine! how many siblings would do this? she is leaving san francisco, all her friends and the absolutely fabulous city activities, and one of the best jobs a person could have. my loving man who replied to comment, “we can admit me to a nursing home,” that he couldn’t “bear” to even think of such a thing.

there are days that i sleep till evening hours, i drag myself out of bed and make it to the living room. at this point he offers to go get us take out or to make me some soup or a grilled cheese. on these same days and others i can have what can only be called legs of jelly, they shake and feel as though i am going to sink to the floor. i feel so weak and in pain it is hard to imagine i will live more than another few hours. during these times i sit beside my love and we turn on shows that we both love to watch. sometimes i make it and other times i just fall back asleep. he loves for me to be in bed beside him and of course that is where i want to be. he will at times let me sleep and just come back at other times during the night and early morning hours.

we manage to get to the grocery store once a week or so. sometimes i have to use the electric cart. i hate to use the cart. it feels like defeat, however, it affords me the opportunity to accompany him. this guarantees we will not have 10 gallon jars of mayonnaise. he loves the huge quantities of food stuff that can be bought without having room for these items.

i try to meet the bridge group for dinner once a week but that hasn’t worked out for the past couple of weeks. i am determined to make it this week, see better days ahead:)

we have a lot going on and i definitely want to process it here and get feedback from you my family and friends.

just remember no matter how bleak things may look, your best days are ahead of you. i promise you!

12 Comments

  1. prenin said,

    As I have learned hun, but it is hard to look forward when those who do not have your best interests in mind try to make you relive the past… 😦

    Love and huge hugs my friend! πŸ™‚

    Prenin.

  2. Judy said,

    As always, you inspire me. Anticipating our death normally seems like it would fill us with fear and I think a lot of people live with avoidance thinking of it. You have turned it into something magnificent with appreciation for every minute and breath. Thank you, Sandra. What a lesson you teach and live!

    • s blake callahan said,

      part of me thinks by honoring my impending death i honor every second i live in each tiny moment we are given.

  3. Angie, also known as YS :) said,

    Oh yeah, there is no way in hell you’re going to a nursing home! You’re making some pretty amazing accommodations for me so I see it that I’m leaving one fabulous place for another 🏑 I am so excited to get there and be with you and Chris πŸ’›

  4. Terry said,

    Each day is beautiful for you. Filled with hope, seeing the light in everything. I look for your posts every day and get so excited when I see one. Love and big hugs

    • s blake callahan said,

      no one has a beautiful day each day but i believe we can make it into the best we by grabbing it with wide open arms.

      • Terry said,

        This is very true, we live in a world full of challenges. The goal is to see the beauty through the struggle and realize God placed that rock in our path for a reason. Big hugs

  5. jmgoyder said,

    I continue to be absolutely gobsmacked by you, Sandra XXXXXXXXX

  6. tersiaburger said,

    I am so happy that your sister is moving!! Much love and gentle thoughts my friend

    • s blake callahan said,

      i am hanging on with everything i have, just waiting for her. sending you warm hugs and love my friend xoxoxo

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