so what is the gift here?

November 22, 2015 at 5:22 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , )

each day i try to start the day or at least end the day with a personal embrace of what gift this day has brought to me.  for certain there are days that are more difficult than others. some days all i can do is be grateful for being gifted that day. even on a day i am only awake a few hours i cannot let the day pass without acknowledging the gift of that one more day.

as you may know i had a transfusion a few weeks ago.  it was performed as an outpatient and really seemed to go well.  each day afterward i retained more fluid, a problem with congestive heart failure that eventually takes your life.  by friday i couldn’t say more than one word without gasping for air,  after some coercion, from those i love, i had to go off to the emergency room.  from there i went straight in to the hospital.

there was a build up of fluid that even the i.v. lasix couldn’t completely relieve me of the fluid that was and is smothering me.  my kidneys were compromised by the lasix so i had to stay an extra day.  you will never guess what the cure for my kidneys being less than 100%.  it is fluid! they gave me a salt water based fluid i.v. which yes increased my retention while at the same time bringing my kidney function to a level needed to discharge me from the hospital.  i left with a walker and oxygen.  my body has not been able to release this extra fluid to date.  there are times when i cough and choke.  it feels like i can not get any air.  it would not be any different from someone putting their hands around my throat and choking the air out of me.

afterward i am gasping, shaking and a bit disoriented.  the gift? he sits beside me and i know that i am loved.  i have had so many more days than i could have hoped for in the beginning.  who knows what is ahead or just around the corner?  right now i know that i will not be able to travel for the holidays as we have in the past.  no, we will not be going to charleston this year.  maybe these are the last holidays for me.

how amazing if i am given these last holidays! oh who knows when the last time or last day will be?  we can just be grateful for the gift of today.

i want to mention that we have some friends who brought us food a few days after i came home.  it was so wonderful to know that there are such caring people in the world and they are our friends.  i have a friend who works at one of our favorite restaurants, she came to the hospital after working a double shift.  she brought me my favorite food.  so many gifts in one life time.  i am so grateful for each day and each person that touches my life.  i have made friends here, on Facebook and of course in real-time.  i have friends in other states that i have not ever met, some have been my friends for years though we have not seen each other in over 10 years.

the oxygen keeps me breathing for now.  my heart keeps beating for now.  my soul is grateful… always.

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