it’s just an opinion and everybody has one

March 11, 2014 at 10:14 am (end stage congestive heart failure, heart failure and exhaustion, how does it feel to die, living with dying, peace of heart, support system, the dr. says, words of wisdom) ()

last weekend my sister posted a question regarding suze orman. she wondered if anyone else found her mean-spirited (my words not hers).  angie stated she had stopped watching her when she really turned on some guy and pretty much told him his situation was hopeless.

i had seen part of the same show angie was referring to and had not finished watching.  i have not watched her for years.  not that she isn’t very savvy financially.  she just doesn’t know how to relay her message in a kind and caring way.  the times i watched her i believed she cared about other’s climbing out of the hole they had dug.  however, over the years her message has taken on a hardness and at times she ridicules those who have come to her in great need.

at the bookstore and costco i am aware of all the self-help books that cover a wide range of topics.  then there are the political books and religious guides.  some of you are going to be offended by this and for that i apologize.  i can not let that keep me from talking about my truth.

in the end these are all someone’s opinion. even books based on science are and can be tainted by the author’s point of view.  there is a better chance that science won’t be biased but most of us don’t want to read science alone.

we want to read books that support our way of thinking not those that challenge what we think is true.  over the years i have been a proponent of personal truth.  my grandmother started explaining this to me before i could really understand what she meant.  this woman who raised me in abject poverty with only a second grade education, will always be the wisest woman i have ever known.

her way of looking at the world brought her peace and contentment.  she shared this with me and i believe it has been my saving grace.  it is all opinion and that person’s truth.  we can take it or leave it. how simply beautiful, respectful and a peaceful way to live.

she passed from the same heart disease i now live with.  if i am moving down this path with more ease than some it is thanks to her.  if i am, and i believe i am, moving down this path with ease it is thanks to my family.  to have a family that loves, cares and understands how you need to make this walk is a great gift.  to have friends, including my friends here, that get you and love you regardless is a great gift.  to have friends who share their experience with you and trust that you can care about them regardless of your own situation, that is a gift.  for women who play bridge with your husband and have become shining examples of how to do this with grace, they are a gift.

suze orman could learn so much from them.  all of these people could teach her how to be supportive and caring while being an example of success.  you never need to belittle another human being.  if you want other’s to learn and hear your message be an example through love and kindness.  that is my opinion, love and kindness.  i have been blessed with these gifts from other’s and hope to pass it on.  what will you pass on? how will you share you wisdom? i hope it is with kindness and love.

my grandmother as a young woman.

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no words of wisdom here either

November 30, 2012 at 12:10 am (bravery, death with dignity, dying, how does it feel to die, living with dying, the comeback, the dr. says, words of wisdom) (, , , , , )

today i had the opportunity to read a blog written by the brother of the comeback.  i was not surprised to see that craig is as talented as his brother shane.  what did jump out at me was his declaration that he had no words of wisdom.  some of us do feel as though the healthy community looks at us to have answers to questions we all have, in addition many of us feel as though we have to be strong for others. it is up to us to make sure that the healthy friends and family are not made to feel guilty when they are not being the kind support we need.  we are taxed with supporting them through their angst over our imminent death.

this is not like most of my blogs and i am not sure why.  reading craig’s blog made me start thinking about the reversal of support.  should someone make the sacrifice of coming by to see us? they have things to do and places to be don’t they?  our healthy friends and family can’t be expected to actually go through that uncomfortable visit when they could be doing something fun should they?  i know that we the dying make the choice to smile and be supportive or acknowledge just how selfish we can be.

no we are not selfish and neither are the ones who love us.  another friend wrote about the burden of love, the weight of it.  there are times when i wonder how my love stops himself from walking out the door and never looking back.  i do love him so it comes easy to support his need to be away from time to time.  actually he would, he says, be fine with staying here with me just in case.

tuesday i was experiencing so much pain that i went to the dr.  my dr says this would be a good time to go in the hospital. he felt this was an appropriate action.  he also knows me and said, after seeing the look on my face, we could do all the tests that day and get the results in a day or two. if i were in the hospital he felt things would move faster.  in the end we decided to go outpatient.  wednesday i was feeling a little better so we went out.  sitting across from each other, chris shares he is concerned we are not being prudent to go on a cruise.  after a moment of thought i responded…. i am going to die somewhere so why not on a cruise?  the blank look on his face is not a new one with me.  he says ok. guess i will figure it out if it happens.  my point is i don’t want to sit at home waiting for death to come.

turns out i probably passed a kidney stone and my liver is getting worse.  the good news is we are leaving next sunday for a 7 day cruise.  i will not have to be strong and wise. he will not have to be strong and wise.  we can be two sweethearts sharing an unforgettable experience.  i am feeling wiser already!

 

 

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