let’s put the congestion back in congestive!

November 12, 2012 at 2:20 am (angina, defibrillator, end stage congestive heart failure, gratitude, heart failure and exhaustion, how does it feel to die, living with dying, symptoms of pulmonary edema, sypmtoms of pumonary hypertension) (, , , , , , )

after our trip to the coast i came back with an additional 13 pounds of fluid in my body.  i feel like a balloon that has been inflated beyond capacity. tie a string to my toe and put me in a parade! of course i would never fly with all that extra weight. not like i am gonna blow away here anytime soon.  day after day, one reason or another i have not taken the meds to help.  the fluid pill makes me itch from the inside out. it feels like i could just scratch my skin off to get to where the darn itching is.  my dr. has even given me meds to counteract this effect. there are other times i itch like this and it is just the combination of meds i take along with the disease.  all that can be done to help has been. this is just a case of it is what it is.  last night after a great day out i decided to bite the bullet and take the fluid pill. it is much stronger than the lasix which is the first prescription most get.  this will leave my skin dry and even cause some joint pain but i will be able to breathe better.  so here i am this morning 5 lbs lighter. this means, and i already knew this, that i will need to go through this one more time to get back to what is normal for me.

i am not talking about this just to be complaining. there is actually something very nice, for me at least, about this.  friday night i got together with a friend who also has some of the same heart issues as i do.  so that is not good for her and i hate it for her.  she has two boys who are still young and now a new granddaughter.  she has had enough loss in her life to deal with.  all of this aside we went out friday night and it was just fun.  neither of us had to feel like we were holding someone else up or taking too long to walk.  when you are out with someone who doesn’t have any health problems they are walking much faster than we can. sometimes there is the look back to see what happened to you and other times people get to the table and realize they are alone.  most of the time we all just laugh so no feelings are hurt.  going out with someone who can’t walk any faster than you means you both get there at the same time and you both understand.  no apologies are needed.  a whole evening of not feeling like i am slowing down anyone else.  i was exhausted by the time i got home but felt so great at the same time.

not looking forward to taking another pill but i know how fortunate i am that there is a pill.  it has come to pass that i know how my grandmother felt.  she used to talk about how much the world had changed since she was a girl and when i think about how much has changed since i have been alive.  things that use everyday like the microwave have been developed in my lifetime.  medicine has really changed, what is being done with robotic surgery completely amazes me.  medication is nothing short of a miracle.  things that in the past were considered terminal/incurable are not only being cured but those things that used to cause great suffering are now an inconvenience.  just think, cancer that was a death sentence is now treated and in months the patient is cured!  even if not cured the years added by modern medicine is astounding.  i have a defibrillator in my chest!! a pacemaker to set the rate of my heart, medication to push fluid out of my body.  that we can create a human being and give that human being life is unbelievable.  to keep a human being alive longer, and not just alive but alive and living a happy life, is incredible. glad i got sick now and not a few years sooner. grateful for the time i had with my friend and grateful for the time we both have been gifted by the medical innovations.

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