acts of kindness

September 17, 2013 at 9:01 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , )

it may not seem like much to you at the time but those little acts of kindness can mean the world to someone else.  over the past few days and weeks i have been blessed with these acts and it touches my heart deeply.

yesterday trudy who is our housekeeper came by to clean.  she is the sweetest young woman and always ready with a smile and compassion. sometimes i am too ill to move around much so she will clean areas she can and then come back when i am feeling better to clean the rest.  as you know we have cats and she will even offer to change the cat box and that is really and truly going beyond the expected.

trudy is going to check on our fur babies while we are gone.  another young woman that we have recently been fortunate enough to have met is tiffany.  she is the twin of another young woman who has been in our life for about 3 years.  tiffany is going to come and spend the night in our home to keep our kitties from being so lonely while we are gone.

as we were wondering what our alternatives were for getting to the airport one of our young friends volunteered to come and take us.  while talking to the girls about needed to be done while we are gone chris came in and we realized arrangements needed to made for our return.  tiffany casually said she would pick us up at the airport.  at first i declined as she would be working all day then waiting around for us to bring us home.  it is about an hour drive from the airport to our home.  she said it was no problem and it was settled.  do you know i wanted to cry with joy and gratitude?  Liz is going to take us to the airport.

i have my spoon from julia to carry with me and remind me of the love and support i am blessed with.  my dear friends here in my blog world offer words of kindness and love.  do you know how much that means to me.  on days when i can barely read the comments i make sure i do as it boosts my spirits and spurs me on for another day.

reconnecting with old friends in california has brought me much joy. to know i am remembered and even cared for moves me.  and how could i write this without mentioning my younger sister?  she continues to be a bright spot in my life.  she is always there with a kind word, a joke that makes me laugh or just an ear to hear me.

there are so many more people who have been a ray of hope and sunshine in my life.  so we are off for canada and are being sent off with words of love from laurie and many others.

from the bottom of my heart i want you all to know that i have been and continue to be in awe of your kindness and caring.  thank you does not begin to convey my gratitude but i didn’t want to let it go unsaid.

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yesterdays, todays and tomorrows

September 12, 2012 at 12:32 am (gratitude, heart failure and exhaustion, how does it feel to die, the dr. says) (, , , , )

the last week of my yesterdays have been ……. what i have been expecting. my todays are hard to pin down. tomorrows are anyone’s guess.  sunday left me thinking about what has been and what is to come.  there are so many famous quotes and inspirational words that have been offered to make us ponder or recognize how fortunate we are.

all last week (and maybe before) just getting out of bed was almost too much.  i had hoped to rally and keep a couple of engagements with friends.  it didn’t work out though. most days i managed to drag myself to the living room by 3 or 4 in the afternoon, made it to bed somewhere after 4 a.m. but some days as late as 6 a.m.  the thing that strikes me is very few people know or understand the exhaustion that goes along with heart failure.  we can all identify with being very tired or in some cases exhausted but not to the same extent.  there is something so fundamental even organic when you are feeling this that keeps it from being quite like anything else you have ever experienced.  i often chide myself and say i am just being lazy. what else could make me lay in bed or this chair and wait to go to the bathroom until the last possible moment? or lay here so hungry, and know that being a diabetic i need to eat, yet not be able to?  even the thought of eating makes me tired.  all that effort for what? just gonna need to do it again later.

one day my man let me know that we were going somewhere the next day if i could.  this seemed to mean something to him so i asked him to make sure i was up and had enough time to be ready.  before we left he told me we could do it another day if i were too tired but i wanted him to have a good day so off we went.  as we pulled in to the parking lot of our favorite tea room i felt like crying at how lucky i am.  when we were shown to our table there was a bouquet of yellow roses on the table. these are my absolute favorites and yet i didn’t make the connection that they were for me.  the smile on his face and the hostess beaming and saying “i think she is going cry” made me realize they were for me.  by the time we were done all i could think was how great my life is and i hope we can go home now and take a nap.

that was a yesterday.  these are not unexpected days.  they have been waiting in the wings.  we knew they were coming.  well i did anyway, not so sure about him.  he seems to have some magical thinking.  if we just keep making plans then i can’t die, right?  yesterday we made arrangements for a cruise in december.  so we have a trip to the n.c. beach in october where we will watch wild horses.  saturday is his birthday and we are having dinner with friends, the next day Heather is coming over to make her dad breakfast and he is very happy about that.  the next week we have a reception for a sweet couple.

some days are just beyond my control.  the mind is willing but the body is weak.  sitting here tonight i am acutely aware of certain truths.  being here is so much better than so many other places i have been.  this man who loves me, family that i adore, friends that accept me as i am, cats who make me laugh and give me comfort.  tonight i am inside while so many are on the streets, cool when others are not, loved and cared for as so many will be not just alone but lonely.

whatever my tomorrows bring i will be grateful.  no moving quotes or words of inspiration, i am quite plainly grateful.

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