healing laughter

April 20, 2015 at 2:02 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , )

by now most people are aware of the healing power of laughter. ironically i read one of the best books that gave personal testimony to that power. someone who was facing an uncertain future than to cancer decided to experiment with this theory. he watched old comedies (i’m talking really old here!) and found that he along some other subjects of his research benefited greatly from letting themselves just laugh every day. of course they knew they faced a battle of life and death with the hope that they would be one of the lucky ones.

I guess i am thinking of this tonight ( just turning into tomorrow actually) thanks first to my beloved, my amazing sister, family, and friends. it has been weeks now of not being able to function as i once did. what was my norm a few months ago is a thing of the past. we are adjusting to the new norm. i will not sugar coat this, it is one of the hardest times of my life in some ways. my poor love has been at a loss of what he can do to make things better.

starting with yesterday i managed to force myself to leave the land of sleep and dreams to make myself the companion he deserves. though i can never truly fill that role anymore. after days of sleeping up to 15 hours or more i would have crawled if need be to the shower. shaking of the fog that lay over me like morning dew i was able to ready myself for the day. even though it was officially after noon. my arms were resistant to the task of washing my hair, however, i was even more resistant to the nagging voice of my body telling me to go back to bed. it whispers “you aren’t up to this,” “what you need to lay back down.” my mind, now starting rise above the fog reminds me of the vow i made just before drifting off, tomorrow you will rise, you will get out of your pajamas, you will complete your “toilette” and join your loving man at least 4 hours earlier than today.

all that army training helped me put mind over body and i did reach my goal. all day long i was rewarded with his joy, his laughter and conversations that need to happen. he has been stressed and overwhelmed with several issues we are facing. one of our rentals is going to be vacant at the end of may, first week of june. my sister arrives on the 10th of june and we have discussed moving back to our larger home in a city 30 minutes from here. the house we are living in has some structural issues and a letter along with a check from one our rental homes marked non-sufficient funds. oh and that whole your wife, your life partner and the one who knows how to use the computer is terminally ill.

being married to trained psychologist is not all bad:) think of all the money saved. i know how to help him. a sure tried and true technique is to sit with him, listen to his worries (sooth him and convince him it is good to tail about these worries), re-assure him it is not whining when you have reason to be feeling stressed out. i tell him how important he is to me and his sleeplessness is a sign we must talk and resolve what we can and let go of the things we have no control over. we make a mental list of the events that have colored his little cloud dark. after an hour or two he is feeling more empowered and his face is relaxed and smiling once again. i love that face. he has the most adorable ears though he would not agree with me there:)

after some phone calls and a drive to over to canton he is seeing more possibilities rather than walls. now he is being what some might think a bit silly but it is the return of his real self. that self that is funny and quirky. in an old funny movie we had watched together not long ago one character asks the other a question. the person responding touched his nose and said “yes,” then touched his chin and said ” but then again no.” lately when i ask a question he touches his nose, pauses, then touches his chin. we have gotten a lot of laughs out of that one.

a few hours later he is tired and heads for bed. my body is rebelling against the long hours of activity. my breathing is labored, i have the end stage cough thanks to all the built up fluid. i haven’t spoken to my sister in over a week. we text and Facebook but it isn’t the same as the joy i get from our conversations. i text, “can you talk?” she responds YES! call me as soon as you feel like it. earphone plugged in i tell suri to call angie. she picks up and i immediately feel better. after a great “sister” talk i tell her she must go to bed and get some rest. she has an early day tomorrow.

as it turned out i had a bit of an early day myself. thinking i would make the push at 2 p.m. i become aware that he is next to me. though my back is to him i can feel that he is awake and looking at me. with the feeling of being encased in cement i manage to roll over and meet his gaze. i am holding up 2 fingers. he says he just wanted to lie here with me, he knows i have set a time to make the push.

oh you beautiful, loving man. i will move (as they say) heaven and earth to give us another “early” day. knowing the cuddle will only hold me fast to the bed i withdraw and force one leg and then the other off the side of the bed. i am rewarded with one of those days you find yourself saying, life is good! life is just so sweet and each moment is a reminder of the love that keeps me here.

we do a little grocery shopping together, my lovely friend rita who tells me if i can’t come out she will crawl in bed with me and tell me stories, a short time later we are having dinner with out “tin” lizzie. she wears a badge. she wears it well. she asks if she has handled a domestic violence call the best way (she has). she glows when she talks about her new and adult love relationship, i believe this is the “one.” Lara is grounded, confident, trustworthy and brilliant. she is also beautiful which of course is nothing to sneeze at (why do they say that?).

i ask the server her name. i tell her she is a delight and very good at her job. he seconds the motion and tin lizzie pipes in as well. jessica is smiling and saying how much that means to her.

she looks at me, i mean really looks – at me. she says ” you look like such a happy woman.” i tell her i am and as i recall the days spent with him, laughing with my sister, laughing with my friends and just feeling so warmed by the laughter and love i having been gifted. i return her smile and say “jessica life is just so good” “it is just so good.” she gets it and thanks us for including her.

my body is tired, no, actually my body is exhausted. the fluid has built up so i can barely breath. the pills will help some but not enough. all i can think of is the laughs shared, the reminder that i can still help him feel more empowered, the immense joy that my sister will be here in just under 2 months, the w

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