my lucky bad day

September 24, 2015 at 5:02 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , , )

at the end of my day yesterday i sat in our double recliner, feet up and a cozy throw on my legs.  i couldn’t help but smile.  it was a particularly tough day physically.  i had some errands to run, angie and i wanted to spend some time together so off we go.

as of late my physical symptoms have escalated.  this comes as no surprise and yet we are somehow, briefly surprised and even confused.  walking 15-20 feet can leave me breathless and with chest pain.  during the day we accommodated my failing heart the best we could.  our last stop i could feel my heart struggling to keep up with my mind. we laughed and made bad jokes that might meet with disapproval from others.  this time has been so precious for us both.

me: i am so lucky.

her: why do you say that you’re lucky?

me: just think about it, i am here with you, i have a loving husband and friends.  i have lived my life the way i wanted, having adventures others might only dream of.

at this point i talked about even the most mundane pleasures, having a washer and dryer,  i hated going to the laundrymat!  to have air conditioning during these hot summer days, central heat during the winter are gifts i never take for granted.  to have the last job be the job of my dreams.  surrounded by family, friends and cats that i adore make me one of the luckiest women alive.

each day when i wake i take a moment to think about the many wonderful days i have had.  there may not be so many ahead of me but that matters little to me now.  if i shed a tear now it is for my loved ones who will hurt when i leave.  until that last breathe and perhaps beyond i will know that i am one lucky woman.  i think of that little boy washing up on the beach and i cry for him and his loved ones.  his mother and brother also died at that time.  to think of their suffering and the young lives not lived to their fullest.  too many take this offering called life for granted.  they don’t fully appreciate what they have been given.  i do not judge them, i just feel so sorry for them.  we all deserve to love our life and to feel as though we are lucky to have this life.

angie and chris in yosemite

angie and chris in yosemite

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