dinner with julia

May 23, 2015 at 2:29 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , , , )

thursday is bridge day.  even when i was in the hospital a couple of weeks ago i insisted that he go and play.  it is my contention he is a social person and the importance of his social life takes top of the list with me.  on sunday we were to meet with heather for a belated birthday brunch but i was unfortunately too ill to go along.  it has become easier to encourage him and for him to go.  there have been days i just cannot get out and he is more comfortable going to the grocery store with a list some times and just on his own (which is scary for me) without a list. through his playing bridge i have made some terrific friends.

julia could be my older sister and i have such deep affection for her. she keeps this wild man in line when need calls for it.  he talks to her and she gives him good advise.  he has a lot of respect for her.  i have a lot of respect for julia and love. ok there i said it and she is going to cringe:) that makes it all worth while julia! the thought of you shaking your head and cringing just a little bit:)

dot is another woman in the group. i love her honesty. she just says it like it is this woman.  she also keeps him line. they can joke with each other in a great way and i think they will be friends long after i am gone. of course he will stay friends with julia too!

charlotte is married to ken.  ken is norwegian. they were gone for a long time last year and we missed them.  right now they are gone to south dakota.  that is where they met each other.  charlotte swears she is never going to sit across from me at dinner again. why you might ask, well it is because we are able to crack each other up and then have to cover it up when the questioning looks come. like it’s my fault my face contorts and i become the human lie detector.  ken is so sweet and i worry that he does not take his health (heart) seriously.  he is a stoic man. charlotte says he can take care of himself and so i am honoring that. oh hurry home you two, i miss you.

there are other women who sort come and go with us for dinner.  it is us regulars who miss each other when we are not there.

julia does this wonderful thing for me, she sends me cards.  i hope she knows how much they mean to me.  they spend time on the fridge and then to my special box of keepsakes.  she truly gets the spoon theory and gave me the absolute best gift afterward.  her husband worked with a soup company.  he had a tie pin that had what else??? a soup spoon!! i carry this spoon with me every day.  it reminds me not only that she cares for me but that she gets something so vital to me and my situation.

when my energy is low i pull out the pin and remind myself i have one last bit of energy that i can still draw on.  sometimes that is all it takes. other times i take it to bed with me and know that it will get me through the night. each morning i am grateful and know that my pin has seen me through another day or night.

what surprised me about julia is she hides her light under a bushel.  she is absolutely brilliant and kind. when we first met she said things like “i stayed home and had nine kids.” some would make the mistake of under-estimating her, let me say i played a couple of words with friends game against her and she is absolutely brilliant!! yet she never makes out that she is superior in any way.

thanks to these ladies i am motivated to get moving on thursdays. i know there will be laughs and that is what keeps me putting one foot in front of the other.

i have an amazing younger sister who is in sweden now but will be here june 10th.  we are moving to another house so we will have more space.  i am hoping that judy unger will be able to come and visit after the worst heat of summer is over.  i long to hear her playing her music. she is incredibly funny and just warms my heart.  i just keep looking forward and never feel “done” with things.

sometime i will be done as we all know.  right now i have not disclosed all to my loving and amazing man. there are 5 stages of kidney failure. right now i am in stage 4. at stage 5 i will go on dialysis.  people live for years on dialysis. of course my heart or liver could choose to check out before it comes to that.

one day i will share with my family, heather, kristen and bill, even susanne his first wife who i will trust to support my beautiful loving step-kids and my grandchildren. one day is not here yet.  i will purposely keep things light and age appropriate. i will miss you all my friends but we aren’t there yet. i just want to make sure that you all know just how much i love you and to understand that my lack of tears and fears doesn’t mean that i didn’t trust you with my feelings. i simply wanted to feel the joy of my love for you and my belief that you are going to be with my love when the time comes. make him laugh, let him remember that i loved laughter and wanted that for all that i love.

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have spoon will travel

September 11, 2013 at 12:22 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , )

one of my inspirations is a woman with whom chris plays bridge. well there are a couple but this woman in particular has serious health issues and yet she still manages to be a support.  she is a small woman, she raised 6 kids and she gave me a spoon.

you may have read the previous post regarding spoons as a hands on tool to help others understand the difference in an ill person’s energy vs average.  the idea is we all start the day with a limited amount of energy.  some have more than others.  if spoons represent energy i can pretty easily explain my limited abilities.  if the average person starts with 6 spoons and they only use one in their morning routine then they have more for the rest of the day.  if i have 6 spoons (which i don’t) and use 1 for the shower, one more for washing my hair you can see where this goes.  eating takes another spoon, so my morning would drain half of my energy for the day. 

i have been blessed with family and friends who i care about and they care about me.  thursday is bridge day.  when chris came home he had a small bag in his hand.  i was delighted to hear it was for me.  inside was a spoon.  this gesture touched me so deeply i can’t think of the words to express my joy and gratitude. 

from time to time people have said they would gladly share some of their good health and energy.  even if this were possible i would never accept such generosity.  i know all to well that you may be feeling on top of the world only to get flu symptoms that never go away.  imagine if you gave up part of your good health and now you need it back.  julia is a no-nonsense kind of woman and yet she is a soft-hearted and caring friend.

next week we are going to canada.  of course my dear man wants to go very much but has wavered as time comes closer.  every reason he gives for not going is legitimate. my only rebuttal is that i feel it is going to be a great trip.  yes, he says, a great trip.  how to explain that i just have this feeling, this hope and faith?  i have my spoon and it will be going with me.

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