Dr. Phil can’t help everyone

October 7, 2015 at 11:17 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , )

a couple of nights ago i was sitting here asking myself just how bad does it have to get before i get off this ride?  for a couple of weeks my ability to breathe has gotten worse.  that sounds so minor when i read it.  try to imagine that you can’t say more than one word without gasping for breath.  walking from one room to another is the same as running 10 miles, having a conversation becomes more effort than it is worth.  eating is difficult ,even if you have not eaten for over 24 hours, so much so that you gasp in between bites until you give in and just give up.  i say this not to complain, rather to explain how a person can reach the end of their hope for a better day tomorrow or even soon.

while i am thinking about this angie and i decide to watch a dr. phil that i had recorded one day.  i try to record a wide variety of shows that i can watch either on my own, with chris or with angie.  some times it is tough to find something that isn’t a program i enjoy just with either one of them.  not this one because he and i always watch this or not this one because angie and i enjoy watching it together.  they both love funny and they both love the british mysteries and comedies.

back to dr. phil, this show was about a young man who has stage 4 liver cancer.  three years ago he was given 6 mos. to live.  the show was about his parents being upset that his wife is emotionally abusive to him.  of course there is always so much more to the story.  the young man’s name is nick and his her name is star. the parents say that star hits their son, refuses to take him for treatment, has had multiple affairs and on and on.  she says they both get physical and he is much larger than her, he is skeletal and weak looking. she is at least two feet shorter than him.  most of the time was just accusations flying back and forth.  nick even complained that his parents get in the middle.  finally the good dr says they (parents and wife) need to just shut-up.  very professional:) and my thoughts exactly.

bottom line the wife is told she doesn’t have the right to waste one minute of this man’s time.  the parents get a dressing down as well.  why isn’t anyone asking how to make his life better phil asks.  his parents seem to think if he came home where he was living before he was diagnosed he could live longer.  they also seem to think star wants the life insurance.

one thing lost in all the noise, as far as i was concerned, is just how difficult life can be when one partner has a terminal illness. star brought this up, she went in to how she is the only one working (he is a veteran but got ill after discharge), they have two children to care for and it is a nine hour trip one way to go for his treatment which is once per month.  she asked if she had a right to some happiness in her life and while i was thinking of course she does, no one else seemed to hear her.

living with someone who has a chronic or terminal illness is not for the faint of heart.  one of the reasons i am so grateful to my sister for moving here is so my honey can have a life.  he doesn’t want to go anywhere without me due to his concern for my having an emergency while he is not here.  however, i try to remind him that he cannot just sit here next to me all the time.  he will go to play bridge on thursday afternoons but not to eat with his friends afterward unless i go too.  he plays poker once a month but there have been times he has not wanted to go because he was worried about me.  we have gotten past these times but i have to say things are much easier now that she is here.  of course i worried about her in the beginning.  it seemed like she was taking things to seriously.  now that she has been here for a few months she goes out every day with a friend or to yoga classes.  she still drives me to almost all appts.  monday she starts a new job and so her life will go back to more normal.

putting all this in to prospective helps. yes i am getting worse and there are times i wonder when is it ok to say enough is enough?  as much as i love my family and want to spend however long i can with them i also know that they would not want me to suffer past a certain point.  finding that point seems more difficult at times like these.  what i know for sure is i would not want to be in nick’s shoes.  i am grateful for the family and friends i have been blessed with for sure.  it would be better to be alone going through this than to be with the kind of people he is dealing with.  actually i don’t think you have to be terminally ill to know that you want to be treated with love and kindness by those in your life.


  1. Terry said,

    Today I send you gifts. Lots of love, hugs and many prayers

  2. prenin said,

    Angie is a Godsend hun! 🙂

    After 25 years of persecution I have nobody left around me I can trust and, now they are not making any more money out of me, the only friends I have left are Vanessa (One time lover and total friend!) who visited recently and Stephanie who was one of my waifs and strays who I looked after during the worst part of her life.

    Looong story and a particularly horrible one best left in the past.

    She’s a mum now and is doing pretty well! 🙂

    In the event I take ill I have nobody around me to turn to except internet friends like Linda Partington who will rally the medical forces if I send her a distress call! 🙂

    There is my God daughter Becky of course who lives nearby and I have her number if I need to call, but she was used as bait in a honey trap 23 years ago after I came out of psychiatric care and whose relatives have set me up repeatedly over the past 23 years, so I avoid calling her in case it triggers another set-up. 😦

    There IS Doug who I have helped often, but he is only knocking on my door when he needs money for drink.

    Other than that he now avoids me, Thank God!!! 😦

    Having him spend a year trying to get me in a homosexual relationship in order to prove I am gay was not fun and it isn’t a year I’d care to repeat!!! 😦

    In Short?

    I can’t afford to get ill… 😦

    Now you have Angie and Chris in support I feel much more relaxed about your situation, although I truly wish I could help apart from cheering from the bleachers! 😦

    Love and huge squishy hugs my friend – YOU MATTER!!! 🙂


    • s blake callahan said,

      if i were there you could count on me to be there for you as long as i am around:)

      it saddens me to think that a man such as you with that big loving heart might not have someone special to take care of you if and when the time comes.

      for now all i can do is send you my love along with big warm hugs!

      • prenin said,

        Thanks hun, that means a lot! 🙂

        Love and huge squishy hugs!!! 🙂


  3. grannyscolorful said,

    I saw this same Dr. Phil show. You are a beautiful person. Love, Gloria

    • s blake callahan said,

      thank you gloria. i know that you have suffered one of the worst losses i can imagine. that you find it in you to care about others is a testament to the size of your heart.

  4. Syl said,

    Exactly!! Love and big hugs to you and Chris

  5. Judy said,

    Sandra, I can feel the energy it took even for you to write this. I wish I could be next to you visiting, but it looks like it will be too difficult for you. I’m still willing to come at a moments notice, if you want me to. In the meantime, your spirit is strong as your body fades. You will know when to go to the light. I treasure you.

    • s blake callahan said,

      judy you are a remarkable woman and friend. meeting you was a moment in time that i treasure and i am still hoping to see you again. i cannot think of anything more uplifting than listening to you play, sing and tell your story.

      • Judy said,

        I’m still fine with coming out to see you whenever you say the word. You do not need to entertain me or do anything, nor does Chris or Angie!

        Your comment made me smile and gave me that warm feeling I always get with your words. I also treasure the time we spent together.

        Love, Judy

      • s blake callahan said,

        i will email you to set something up. it would mean so much to me to see you once again.

        you are a truly wondrous woman, i send you love and hugs

  6. appletonavenue said,

    I can only imagine that internal debate you have all too often. When is it time to say, ‘I’ve had enough.’ Seems like a simple thing, but of course it is anything but simple. I think that as long as you have any doubts, you aren’t ready to leave.

    I send you blessings of peace, love and understanding.

    • s blake callahan said,

      it certainly sounds simple enough and there have been times that i thought the logic was there yet it didn’t feel right for some reason. i am trusting the universe will touch me and let me know it is time to leave this part of my journey.

  7. jmgoyder said,

    I do not know anyone as courageous (and eloquent!) as you.

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